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On The Heights Of Despair

by Calvaire

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1.
The luminous glow, in its elegant glory As I await, as I expect, my anticipation You complete me My perforate existence When the moon is all I have, even echoes don't repeat Imaginary friends, it brings tears My voices are my peers Warmth of the sun & the squalling winds Let the tempest swallow me, I'm already drowning I’m drowning from within This cold murky water It rushes through my body Filled my lungs Stream of everyday endeavor How I wish I can hide & cower Life, give me something to mourn about The luminous glow, in its elegant glory As I await, as I expect, my anticipation You complete me My perforate existence. Solitary companion It’s funny how, from August to December As my hope begins to linger, it is only me Solely me Someday I wish that the world would open its ears Dwell deep beneath the blackest abyss Search far beyond the horizon Peel the hindered vision, of the Pacific Ocean This is where I abode, it’s been vacant for far too long I’m here, to be discovered. I was here all along You've been searching at all the wrong places Maybe I am not meant to be found The luminous glow, in its elegant glory As I await, as I expect, my anticipation You complete me My perforate existence. This is greetings from Fifty-Two The loneliest. In the world The search begins. For the loneliest… in the world
2.
Beholden 05:12
From here on now, scour everything Unwavering From here on now, set in stone Till Eternity Bringing forth, this resplendency Onward I seek the zone of proximity Making oceans crashing down on me feel painless It's Innocuous. For to mend this feeble sluggish soul, I wait with bated breath Every influence. That you're infallible Even boundless heaps of riches I promise to uphold Thank you I give you my word Bringing forth, your will of love The prayers won’t leave me These uncertainties, a formality? Never burden me For you are my matriarch, congenial ruler of true majesty Grips on me, the fortunate one, forever blessing Mounting rage of hate, only momentary The detesting pull, yet you rise with me I pale in comparison, with all that you've bestowed me Seeking refuge from life, working miracles in me Hopefully, when curtains fall, gratitude. This is my obligation Beholden. For this salutary life I live You gave me heaven A new meaning For gracing my life, eloquently I promise to uphold, I promise to relive Sacrifices you've yield to make you proud of me To climb the mountains We shall ascend I'll break these barriers with you Towards infinity
3.
There is no absolutes in truth My admiration, confined within the reaches Forever our configuration, remain untapped The semblance of perfection, hides the palpable truth A truth of fake idolism, when the harsh realism is that We are all idle creatures. A journeyman, towards nugatory The visible alignment of our fascination, within our own reflection This marks the birth, a re-genesis of sorts, where our facades Our own foundation. Bear witness, as we fall to our knees Pleading, for an ending to this procreation To lift the veil of this malignant tumor Pleading, for an ending to this procreation I am alone. Beseeching I am pleading, for humanity For my humanity Once again, when I open my eyes, stare straight at the sun Whisper to your ears, I've been handed a reprieve We are whole. We are now benign
4.
"It began with a ringing on my phone, & it shook me. I woke up in a cold sweat, much like days gone past. Who could it be? What would it mean? Apprehensive thoughts, it kept lingering. 'Someone had died' they said, & it was tragic. A recurring disease, came back to haunt him. To my chagrin, my neck stiffened up. My body, heavy but lifeless. I couldn't move my limbs, as I reached out in vexation. This whole story, reminds me Of a tragedy, How I should've foreseen. About a man who lived to tell a tale. Of how he drank from a poisonous well. About a man, who drank from a poisonous well" She came back & brought promise "when you look at me, I know. you're everything that I want." She spoke of a second chance Let's start over, let me introduce myself Create new memories & relearn what we already know The past was non-existent. This is your second chance The anchor was released. The shackles, it broke free It was us. Five years that seemed like an eternity More so for me I love us. Rekindled, I told her "& if I see you fall, I'll turn the World on its side, so it catches you." We held hands, the grip so tight, I could not die Not even the promise of death from wars Could destroy what was 'everlasting' One day I woke up feeling strange, floating The grip had faltered & it fades Why would she let go, it was a promise until our deathbed The gentle rain now pours & the wind blows in the wrong direction I remember that blissful touch from your hands, but I immediately stop & wept For 125 Days, I drank from the well, the same one in which I fell We made a pact worthy of wolves They sneak behind each other's backs, thinking we're fools You've ripped my heart out all those years & now you came back just to break me again I say "that it's not okay for you to walk into my life & pretend to care, then leave me as if... It was nothing, we were nothing. I was nothing." I suited up, all black & combed my hair. Perfect in every strand To pay my last respects for somebody who had died drinking from the poisonous well I took a glance, & fall back onto my chair Oh what a dismal tragedy this is For I am that man, who had died a majestic death For I am that man. It was me

credits

released January 23, 2015

Drums Recorded at Inversion Studios (Cedric & Pete, www.facebook.com/inversionstudios)
All Other Instruments Recorded at the home, & with the help, of Yusuf Bin Isak (mdyusuf_89@hotmail.com)
Mixing and Mastering done by Ahmad Husayn (www.facebook.com/kajisg)
All music written by Calvaire

*Greetings From Fifty-Two inspired by Joshua Zeman's 52: The Search for the Loneliest Whale in the World (www.52thesearch.com)
*Intro clip for Absolutes Of Idolism taken from Emily Young's Veronika Decides To Die (2009)
*Physical CDs available at $10 (from 7th Feb 2015) via www.canopusdistro.com , FB or Twitter message us or simply drop an email at azfar.fitri89@gmail.com
*We will be selling 10 copies exclusively under Canopus Distro (www.facebook.com/canopusdistro) during Distro Day Out (30/31st Jan 2015), more info at: prohibitedprojects.blogspot.sg

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Calvaire Singapore

“It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.” - Cioran.

Calvaire is Iryan. Rudy. Roy. Azfar. Izuan.

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