1. |
Aokigahara
09:19
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Haunting. The pristine beauty that is looming from above.
This immaculate vista sickens me.
For those who are destined to relish the poison and experience torture.
I welcome you, among the shrouded depths within the trees and the thick veil of quiescent existence.
Don't let morbidity startle you, false promise of the charms of life, aspirations and dreams... you must renounce!
The allure of dying proudly, for honour and dignity withered together with life.
Lay your tape around me, serenely place it on the forest floor.
Arrange your shoes & other belongings like a proud display.
Call it the sea of trees. Call it paradise... of hiding.
For all the pleading that was ignored, with me, even silent whispers won't be unanswered.
The ideal life? Through reflection and every single thought, we recall.
It must truly lead to the collapse of a human smile.
The meaninglessness of a progressive 'human spirit' throughout history reflects our transgression
in accepting the natural order & daily stabbings to our hope.
Fear not, my dear, for I will care for your decomposing body.
For when you're decaying, you will be heard.
The pain and suffering from the living, forever disavowed, as I welcome you with embracing arms.
As I welcome you among the initiated.
Let them forever remain in trepidation, a bête noire.
No one can affect you. Now, your conscience is as good as you've never existed.
I forgive you for being born. You forgive yourself for being born.
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2. |
Lacrimae Rerum
05:44
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Wonder. The lights in the distance that I could only wonder about.
Sketching demons & monsters on my map, longing for their comforting presence.
Guarding the fringes of the abyss, forcing me to look away.
The great fantasy of different worlds, & to name them after our obsolete Gods.
Oh, I’ve abandoned you Ares!
I’ve kept you going by thoughts alone, even if I'll never see you again.
An existence constantly transfigured by failure.
Memoirs, not just nostalgia & regret.
Longing for you, like an enduring ink that never dries, changes with every gaze.
You’re a painting, as every indelible drop of my blood hits the canvas, yet the page remains mostly blank.
Perhaps this piece was never meant to be finished.
I remember it was meant, just like you, to be abandoned.
The ancient ones are just barely older than I.
The decaying fantasy of Eden, lingers beyond the endless trail of defeat.
A domesticated animal, we are fabricated as irrelevant caricatures of our forefathers.
Misguided from the start.
In Genesis, there was everything.
Now, there is nothing.
I aspire to disappear.
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3. |
Liberosis
01:56
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4. |
The Celestial Dog
09:52
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Embellish God’s beauty with Insolence.
I woke up hurling my body upon the mud, no different from the Dogs you see.
I scour through the day, setting myself on fire, looking for that honest man.
Begging for raw meat, even though I am willing & capable to hunt, to kill.
Still I seek for that honest man. The virtues of suffering & anxiety.
I disposed my drink immediately as my eyes witness that child, indulging from the trough.
Illuminated, the immaculate shine & blooming decree, it caresses me with its unnerving sincerity.
“Alexander, son of The King. Move away!”
I affronted him as he interfered with the light & shine from my Sun.
The flames from my lantern fails to provide me with my destiny.
Royalty he is, an Honest man he isn’t.
I buried my hands deep within the earth, the human remains.
Thus, digging like a Dog searching for its prize.
Alas, I ended my search.
For I am able to distinguish the bones of The King from those of his slaves!
Behold, what joy it brings, for my destiny lives within me.
An ineffable glory as my life begins with death, discordant of all death ending.
“Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.” – Louise Glück, Averno.
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5. |
Open Grave Dialogue
06:16
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To witness you looming through, yet I see you spreading on this vast land of 'possibility'.
Over trees & piercing dreams.
The blooming flower now withers, together with our…
Progression! On culture, like a destructive blight.
I've danced this dance of anguish & wretchedness.
The mirage of finality. How fragile, is eternity?
Of knowing, that I'm alive. Of knowing, that I will die, is my curse alone.
“There was complete silence everywhere. I felt that all mankind had rejected me & I took refuge with inanimate things. I was conscious of a relationship between me & the pulsation of nature, between me & the profound night which had descended upon my spirit.
This silence is a language which we do not understand." – Sadegh Hedayat, The Blind Owl.
My addled vindication for life, it convened with you.
His false assertions of deception in a pipe dream.
When I speak out, the eradication of this symphony of silence.
Endless path of destruction. I wept to Hell, but Hell is a widow, we are the evil that resides in it.
No escape. Hell, is always alone.
Compassion, such an ugly word. Procreation... a sin.
Going beyond tears, that never had its reason.
So how do one answer what is wrong, when nothing's right?
I shall proceed with utter devastation in my soul,
with what's left of my spirit, to cleanse the 'human' of my blood.
Now... For years, I've deprived myself from absolute purity,
the paradox called free-will now come to fruition.
I've decided to fashioned after you, when all roads lead to no better,
with or without achievement & faith.
Just as it is all the same whether I cry or remain silent.
“Now, before I blow my brains out,
I should like to point out that... this is an experiment in nihilism.
Every word, every thought, & every emotion: Life is meaningless.” - Mitchell Heisman, Suicide Note.
You. Now I exist. Yes, in you Death. I exist.
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6. |
Flowers Of Fixed Ideas
08:08
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Glare through the dark, amongst the unseen night.
I am the cosmic light of a dying star, bright… but,
My blooming ignition still can’t shed the aphotic sky.
The abstract of man remains an empty distraction,
Until your wisdom is consumed by inner flames & tortured by destiny,
The universe is possible, yet nothing is.
Listen closely, for I am the terminal truth, I am your only truth.
Here, grab hold the infinite void, like you would towards her with all your ‘affection’.
Thus, it begins, your/my story of triumphant & failures.
Drowning in the aberration of pleasures & of truth,
Knowing your every struggle is my defense against the madness that is man.
Wanting to be or can still be, remains your biggest lapse.
We shall drink the gift of abdication from humanity, to be alone.
“Must I find myself alone?”
“Renounce, for I am already alone in this world which I no longer expect.”
Words shrouded with tears, the very tears that would drown my world.
The grotesque image you dare not see is a mere self-reflection.
A tragic birth of meaning & life, your/my detriment.
To circumvent from the ashes of suffering, in spite of all you know.
This is my final word for you. Decisions always comes with destructive regret.
Sadness is God’s gift to us, we are prisoners. Consciousness is nature’s horror.
Everything is convoluted, more than we can comprehend.
Fear depletes our thoughts & judgment, set ablaze our ‘glorious’ sky.
Let the saints be engulfed, be wise & stand next to them.
We should all be ashamed! Visiting your own grave guided by the wretched hopes that kept you alive.
“How’d you like to die, for it will tell you who we are.”
Oh, such a bliss, to be one with loneliness. To feel alone in this world & to feel the loneliness of the world.
Shut your eyes & in your dreams, you are who you want to be. A poet, a dog, or an anomaly.
Fate is blessed with the destruction we create.
Listen to me again, listen like never before. This is your conclusion.
“The truth is I always feel so angry, sad beyond words.
I’m in agony ever since I learned how to dream.
Pretending to live, ignoring the reasons why I’m always fine, with never being ok.
No one wants to hear about my hurt & misery.”
So what is the final step, what is my true calling? Edging closer towards the ledge.
Be free, I said.
“It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.” - Cioran, The Trouble with Being Born.
Be free, was what he told me.
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Calvaire Singapore
“It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.” - Cioran.
Calvaire is Iryan. Rudy. Roy. Azfar. Izuan.
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